6/30: The Hardest Thing You Have Experienced

Wow! 2 in one day...well kind of!

Okay so today's topic was kind of hard because I haven't really had too many experiences that have been hard. At least at the time things were "hard" but looking back, I realize that it was just the Lord putting me through the refining process. If there was one thing that has been really hard for me is well my weight. I have dreams and I'm skinny and that I'm "living the life". Then I wake up and I realize that well I'm not skinny and I'm not "living the life". Something that has really set me back was back in 2011 I had been taking the pill for a year and I was tired of having to remember to take it every day so I decided to switch to the shot. It was terrific, I didn't have a period (TMI, I know) for a year, no cramps and mostly i didn't have to worry about any cysts coming back. The problem, I gained about 25 lbs in a year. So when I went in for my annual in 2012 I asked my doctor what he thought I should do and so we decided that I just go back on the pill. Well the next week I went to see my doctor who has known me since I was 6. I cried when I talked to her because I was just incredibly frustrated. I was at my heaviest and was not only frustrated but I was really embarrassed as well. So she proposed to me that I start working out more, and no more soda. I seriously thought she was telling me that I might as well jump off a bridge. But as soon as I left I knew what I needed to do. I resolved to quit drinking soda and to start exercising. My friend Joanna had just had a baby and we made a plan to work out 4 days a week for an hour. I stopped drinking soda cold turkey. Holy headache. I also started using My Fitness Pal and started counting calories. 

Well, after about a month it was natural to just go over to Joanna's after work and work out Monday-Thursday and then eat something healthy. I did this for about 5 months. Then I went on vacation in October. You know how it goes. I ate sooo much food. The funny thing was when I got back I weighed myself I weighed less than when I went on vacation and I just summed it up that it was because I had been chasing 3 kids around all week. Well I stopped exercising and I slowly started drinking soda again. I worked soooo hard last year and I actually lost about 15 lbs. I was SOOO proud of myself. Fast forward to this year. I paid for a gym membership and try as I might to go to as often as possible, which is usually 2-3 times a week. I have fallen back into my old ways of giving in to my carnal ways of eating crap. I don't know how I always do this. 

I know that because of my weight, I am not married. Boys don't want to marry someone who can't handle their eating habits. As I write this, I get teary eyed and I don't know if it's PMS or because I have just been keeping it in for so long pretending it doesn't bother me that I'm not married but it does. Although I have gone out on dates with a few guys the past couple of years, my self conscience ways get the better of me and it hasn't worked out. Either because it wasn't right for either of us or because the "chemistry" just wasn't there. But  either way I'm still single. There isn't anything I can really do about it. 

I guess this is topic is the kick in the pants I need to revamp my strict diet of no soda anymore and better eating healthy and having a more positive attitude. I'm going to a huge ginormous YSA conference in August and I want to look my best and feel my best. I will have to return and report. Anyways, sorry to go all crazy emotional on everyone, but thanks for letting me vent! 

Up next: What is your dream job and why?

Night everyone!